Being Demi: Poetry and essays on life before and after coming out
A downloadable book
Coming out later in life presents its own challenges, and when it's a less well-known orientation like demisexuality (a type of asexuality), those challenges are both societal and personal.
I came out aged 47 after struggling to understand for so long why I experience attraction in ways that seem complicated and confusing.
When you're different, everyone notices.
This is my story from adolescence to adulthood told through acrostic poems and a handful of essays.
Content warning: homophobia, aphobia.
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Rating: 4.25 ⭐
At the end of the book, in the Author Note, Matt says: 'I hope you found this enjoyable, affirming, profound, thoughtful, […].'
As someone who more or less recently – about two or so years ago, I think - discovered themself that there is actually a term for those of us who only experience romantic or sexual attraction after we have formed a deeper connection with people, which, somewhat unfortunately, often results in falling for friends or [very] close acquaintances (in my case, as I am very picky with the term 'friends'), the latter often coming with all its own baggage and confusion, I am happy to say: I found it all of that.
I particularly enjoyed the essays, more prominent towards the end of this little collection, although I read most of them already on the author's two blog, which I follow somewhat regularly (meaning I often don't read them for weeks or month, and then binge articles on there for hours – it's a me thing).
The acrostic poetry accompanies those essays nicely and offers a few more opportunities for letting one's own thoughts wander, while the essays guide you, gently, in a general direction.
This is not the height of lyrical epiphany, so if you that's what you're looking for this is probably not for you, but acrostic poetry rarely is – although it can be, of course. What it is, however, is modern acrostic poetry, arranged around the topic, guiding you along a path of self-reflection and perhaps self-discovery.
It's a nice little book to guide those with questions and confusion. It doesn't give answers – well, it does, but none aside of the glaringly obvious (in the essay parts, mainly) –, but it offers a lot of, rather profound, perspectives.
And perspectives are, after all, what poetry is mainly about. Not rhymes and flowery language, although those can make for nice additions – or distract from the more pressing matters –, but the ability to walk a mile or two in someone else's shoes. See the world for a moment or a while with someone else's eyes. Try to get inside their head, their heart, their soul – and for that, this little collection works splendidly.
Thus, if you want to learn a bit more about demisexuality, the unique male problems with it, or just keep your mind open for other's experiences, then this is for you. Or if you just need a demisexual friend in form of a book. Then this definitely is for you.